THE Bachelor rose ceremony is a little bit like dessert.
It’s the deliciously saccharine visual reward you get for enduring an hour plus of excruciating date conversation that is akin to a plateful of vegetables.
There’s so much colour and movement and cleavage. The ladies are aware that this is their final moment to make an impact on the Honey Badger, so it’s tits and thigh-high splits at 10 paces. Ain’t nobody turning up in a pair of comfy flats and something that provides warmth.
So let’s break down some highlights from last night’s visual feast.
Stage-five clinger Cass wore a white dress that was like a sparkly Kleenex tissue, which is fitting because she spent the majority of the rose ceremony fighting back tears.
Offering the ultimate dark counterpart to Cass’s good witch was Cat, with her blunt bob and Spanish flamenco villain ensemble.
Another notable mention was Dasha, who draped herself in layers of shiny fabric and accessorised with the world’s tightest ponytail.
A true highlight was the moment the Honey Badger took Dasha outside, asked, “How do you go sittin’ on the grass?” and then made her sit on the grass in couture.
This was possibly an ingenious test of character.
This led to a fleetingly uncomfortably moment where Dasha referred to her son as her “little boyfriend” and weirded out every single viewer at home.
Rhiannon went for a truly bold lemon/lime combo which made her look like a refreshing Splice ice cream with jangly bits at the bottom.
Brooke wore a weirdly fitting strapless number and the smug glow of having just mashed face with The Bach.
OTHER NOTABLE MENTIONS:
Vanessa Sunshine dressed as a glass of cheap merlot, which reflected her enthusiasm for the whole situation:
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Frontrunner Brittany got best on ground for her dress, a plunging art deco-style gown that reminded one of a sexy Chrysler building:
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